Wednesday 29 September 2010
friendship outside the flock 3
Thanks for the comments. To expand a little further my thinking here… I still need to clarify, but I’m also partly working it out as I go along. I DO believe that ultimately in a close relationship that’s going to last, there needs to be a bonding in heart mind and spirit, there’s no compromise in my mind about this. Really what’s in question for me is wisdom in how - as a christian who enjoys meeting people, including, yes women(!) - I relate to those who don’t share my faith. In the context of seeking new friends as a foundation – I emphasise this - is it wise and appropriate for a christian who is also on the look out long term for a relationship, to include in their forays those who don’t share faith? It’s a question for me as I said before partly due to my interest in ‘localness’ and the limited range of local christian women currently on my radar. I’m being quite candid about this cos I think it opens up interesting perspectives. Dating sites are not the only way to meet people by any means, but yes they are one. They obviously open up a pool of people who it could be interesting and who knows possibly fruitful to meet. It strikes me that if as a Christian your thrust (emphasis) is to meet people and make friends, it’s ok to connect with people on a secular as well as Christian website ie the whole ‘who do you yoke with’ thing only becomes an issue when you get a fair way along in a friendship. Which I’m currently nowhere near!
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6 comments:
Really what’s in question for me is wisdom in how - as a christian who enjoys meeting people, including, yes women(!) - I relate to those who don’t share my faith.
Quite simple really - don't mention it unless asked. Even then, only answer in accordance with what you have been asked - otherwise people will run a mile. You also seem to pigeon holeing people as "believer" and "non believer" and not as people.
I think your problem only serves to highlight how unnecessarily complicated your belief makes life. Also, notice the difference - you ask a question here and folk give direct answers. Whether you agree or not is irellevant, you get replies. You ask god .....silence.
From what you say, you are concerned about what may happen if a relationship develops. It also seems that you are unwilling to change and expect that the other one should. Therefore, from your point of view, you shouldn't enter a relationship. If you also expect that a christian should exactly mirror your personal christian development, then I think you will be dissapointed and should just stay single.
Watching you struggle with this makes me wonder why you would actually want to make anyone live this way.
well, I think it's all very interesting. I dated an agnostic for a while and it got quite serious. I don't regret the process in many ways because it did open up my eyes to a lot of new things/new perspectives. At the same time, it was quite painful. Interestingly, I don't think you need to hide who you are or avoide certain topics (as Billy said was a turn off for him when he is with Christians). I think it's important that we are who we are wherever we are. There has to be tolerance to both sides. I talk about God with everyone as though He is there...because He is. Whether they think I am crazy or not(did u say nutter? ;) ) doesn't bother me in the end. I think they are equally crazy to try and live their lives outside of relationship with God. But I know my life is enriched by friendships with anyone, believing or not. I think accountability is important though. I had a lot of counsel and input during that time. People are quick to judge and that's sad. But that's just a little bit for today...
"Watching you struggle with this makes me wonder why you would actually want to make anyone live this way."
Billy... I think it's admirable that Bruce wants to live this out with integrity. Life is complicated--and in order to respect and love in life we need to wrestle with things. It shows he cares and anyone who doesn't want to ask hard questions and wrestle wtih answers shows he is maybe uncomplicated---but most likely also that he sleep walks through life--unawake, unaware and ultimately unsafe.
The unexamined life is not worth living, doncha think? ;)
Lisa,
We need to wrestle with things, but why make things harder than they need to be? It's also not just this that I'm talking about.
Should it really matter what your friends believe? I would say that you guys are advocating barriers. Sure we all have certain barriers, but what you propose does not lead to full friendship.
What do you mean by unexamined life?
Why do you not understand people not wanting to live with god? I do have to point out that it's not a question of want. If you don't believe he exists, want has nothing to do with it. The best way I can convey it is "I cant understand why anyone would want to live without the counsel of fairies". You don't believe in fairies, so that makes the concept of relationship with them meaningless and out with the realm of what you want
Should it really matter what your friends believe? Well, I think that friends have good input and I think that people who are wise listen to other sides--I can even (shock/gasp/surprise) learn from you.
And I didn't say I didn't understand people who don't believe. I said they are crazy ;)
Unexamined life? I think it's important to observe, take inventory and question...and even wrestle. To examine. I think that's fairly clear.
Lisa, that's not what I mean. Should it really matter what your friends believe if you accept them as friends? Is conditional friendship really friendship or just a superficial arrangement?
Should you wrestle or be free to change your view in the light of new evidence? Should you rigidly stick to a paradigm dedspite evidence against it or modify it in light of that evidence?
The former is one reason I just can't believe christianity
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